There’s a Purpose to Feeling Shame?

Honing in on how and why to feel the unwanted.

What is the function of shame?

Shame exists to teach us who we are. Shame points us in the direction of our core self. Without shame, we would not have the ability to know who we truly are. When we build a relationship to our healthy adult ego, we can take responsibility for actions that we might do that are actually shameful. We can hurt someone and apologize, or humiliate someone and promise to try to to never do it again. When we avoid shame, we might do something over and over without actually honoring our part in it or having a desire to change our actions to be a better person. On the flip side, we can also engage in actions that are not at all shameful, feel shame, and own that we actually want to continue to do them. We might want to sing, dance, enjoy sex, be needy, let ourselves express emotion, or have a self identity. Shame as an adult allows us to assess and move forward instead of compress and shut down.

Photo Credit: Joseph Rothstein

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