Bringing in the Positive for Transformation
Which Way Do You Want To Go? The positive can be used to chase self and life transformation.
Sometimes people ask me why I don’t focus more on the positive. I find this really ironic. Because for the past four years in my own life and body, I have been primarily focusing on using the positive as a means of transformation. It’s funny because the reason why I don’t focus on the positive when I interrelate or write is that most of the people I work with have no real interest in the process of sustaining and seeking the positive.
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We humans have a tendency to hyper focus on what’s broken and ignore what’s fixed.
Cultivating a relationship to an individual person means for the most part my work unfortunately is focused on talking about the understood negative in people’s lives. Individual process needs to follow the tendency of focus, allowing negative patterns and emotions to transform the self. If no one is talking about the positive, it would be me pushing myself on other people to make the focus more of an embodied positive.
This is where writing comes in. I get to actually bring more concepts into people’s experiences in the hopes that these concepts will change the way self work is embraced. Most of us want self transformation to happen to us or to come out of what we understand. It is so unfortunate that this kind of work plateaus eventually and is the reason why so many people give up or believe therapy does not work. The repeating negative is more interesting than embodied change.
The reality is that if you are not shifting into either the capacity to feel more positive or more negative, the self work that is being done is in your head, not your body. The purpose of doing transformational work is to change, not to feel the same. If there is a lot of fantasy, thoughts without embodiment, or emotional recycling we are going to plateau and not change life for the better. When we focus on the positive solely through affirmations, fantasies, comfortable experiences, or bypassed states of being, we are not embodying the positive for positive change. We are engaging in the trap of the understood.
It is normal to get stuck in negative situations such as a job we don’t like, a toxic or stagnant relationship, or a depression. When this happens, we need to assess change by how we feel in the situation. We need to self assess how we are creating the situation. We need to reflect on what we are interested in about this situation, if there is any interest to be had. If all we do is seek the positive via affirmations or fantasies or grand expectations, no change occurs. The situation stays the same and our self in the situation stays the same. If we change the self in any situation, the situation changes. Insert the unknown reality here that the change is not always for the better.
This is a risk that has to be taken to embrace life. Doing self work in the positive inevitably and naturally brings about a release of darkness. Energy has to change to transform it. Working with the positive does not mean working without the negative. It means trusting the positive to enlighten the body’s unknown negative and and bring it into a more positive flow of being.
One way of working through something is finding the negative and using that to process limiting beliefs, negative held emotional content, and negative pleasure. Another way of working through something can be through embodying the positive and witnessing the affect it has on the situation while wanting more positive. Embodying pleasure is more than thinking positive. It’s letting the positive flow through the body and tolerating the sensation of bodily positive emotions and experiences.
Let’s talk more about how to use the positive for transformational purposes.
Embracing The Laws Of the Universe
Avoidance of the negative is more obvious than the plateau of positive sensation and emotion we can tolerate. It may be easy to understand not wanting to be angry or an association between the suffering of life and depression. Conscious or unconscious avoidance of these emotions are usually the first place to look when trying to understand how to work with finding a more fulfilling life as a whole. It is important to go to into the negative and let it release to support a more fulfilling life. Without going into the negative, energy is not freed to transform into positive.
Think about the first law of thermodynamics: Energy cannot be created or destroyed. It can only be transformed. The form energy takes can be changed. This is happening all the time in life as well as in the physical and the emotional body. We can choose to stagnate energy or transform it.
The need of the universe is transformation. That is why energy is transforming all around us. To respond to a universal need in a human body is a choice towards embodied aliveness, trusting the transformation of energy.
Balance is necessary to effectively change anything. Hyper focusing on emotionally releasing the negative will only create change to a certain point. Only talking about issues and not addressing the body creates the same plateau. Without also addressing the capacity to feel positive and negative in the body, the potential to shift negative into positive reaches a stalemate. Any time we hit transformational plateaus without a change in embodiment, energy is not being transmuted and will return back to its stasis point. New movement of energy has not been given an outlet or a new place to flow into so it returns to what it knows.
We have to CHOOSE to give new energy a place to flow, preferably into a positive sensation in the body.
Positive Embodiment
Eventually curiosity, interest, and self awareness all need to become combined with our own ability to have positive emotions, feelings and sensations in the body - positive embodiment. This is not just about sexual pleasure, where a lot of us tend to want to feel more positive sensations. Our society over sexualizes and sometimes it is easy to forget that there is a myriad of nuances within positive embodiment to be experienced. This is about the physical pleasure of flow in relation to eros, trust, surrender, support, ecstasy, relief, release, laughter, joy, fun, love, gratitude, connection, playfulness, sensuality, happiness, innocence, sexuality, creativity (to name just a few). It is also about the positive emotions related to a myriad of pleasurable flows we can have in our bodies. Even greater is then connecting our own positive feelings to others and divinity. Here we find the positive flow transforming into grace, serenity, peace, tranquility.
Our capacity to feel positive pleasure is as necessary to self transformation as our captivation with negative experiences. A container for change requires positive and negative balance and awareness.
Seeking Balance
There is a difference between embodying pleasure for the self versus embodying pleasure with another person versus embodying divine pleasure. All of these aspects of pleasure are necessary to positively embody. Yet we need balance as well. If we get caught up in only one aspect of the positive, we are essentially missing variation. This can be between distinct sensations of our embodied self or our ability to positively connect with others and the divine. It is important to remember that avoidance is one of the most natural responses we have to our lives. Calling ourselves out into discomfort has to happen in embracing the positive aspects of being alive in order to embody more pleasure.
It is valuable to address what is avoided - pleasure with others, pleasure without others, or divine pleasure. If personal pleasure without sharing the embodied positive with others or being seen as positive is hard to do, that may be the first gauntlet chosen to face. Identifying more strongly in suffering and being more comfortable sharing that than the positive requires a different self reflection towards another kind of choice. Often self judgements, shame, guilt, and other negative emotions are getting in the way of experiencing the ability to feel good for being seen in positive pleasure.
There is a need to liberate and release obstacles through emotional release and then test our ability to be in the positive. One way to do this is to share the embodied positive with another and have it be witnessed. The process needs to be two fold to create a change that affects life rather than eventually just pigeon holes the inability to share positive embodiment right back into a known experience of negativity. This is where energy needs transformation and stagnation will let itself be seen when negative cycles repeat themselves.
Warning: Over Seeking Release May Be Avoiding Positive Embodiment
Embodied pleasure is not just sexual. Because of that societal tendency to over sexualize positive embodiment into sexual pleasure, it is important to address how seeking pleasurable release can be a way to release positive feelings instead of increasing the capacity to feel more positive sensations. Sexual release can take center stage to avoid a deeper positive embodiment. Other forms of positive sensations are not explored which leads to an overall sense of being unfulfilled or creating only one outlet for the body’s need to feel positive sensations.
When it is easier to embody pleasure with others or potentially only be interested in sexual pleasure without other forms of pleasure, there is an imbalance. Release of pleasure is not the same as building the capacity to embody pleasure. Release of positive pleasure through sexual connection keeps the body from differentiating pleasure and decreasing its capacity to withstand pleasure and let it flow into different aspects of being.
Over sexualizing pleasure and hyper focusing on it avoids important flavors of positive embodiment. There’s a reason why Taoism and Tantric practices seek to redirect sexual release into deeper embodiment. Sexuality can be used as a tool to seek positive embodiment but not alone. Alone it becomes a crutch.
Exploring what is being overlooked when pleasure is felt without connection, what forms of pleasure and self are being avoided, as well as getting curious about what the release itself is hiding can be ways to bring awareness into having a whole relationship to positive pleasure - alone and connected.
We need to be able to feel pleasure alone. We need to be able to feel pleasure and connect with others. We need to feel the pleasure of divine connection. We need to be able to show others our ability to be in pleasure without release.
Addictions
Another place many go to experience pleasure is in addictions. There is a hidden belief inside all addictions that something outside the self makes feeling good easier than searching inside the self. An inherent laziness in the seeker of positive experience listens to the voice that says substances or other external means are needed to feel a certain way or get rid of a certain feeling. The story that is told internally is that it is too much work or perhaps impossible to feel positive without engaging the addictive behavior. Ironically over time this proves itself to be true as disembodiment and disconnection to feelings becomes a bigger hurdle to overcome than before the addictive behavior was initiated.
Addictions point to a belief that the self is somehow lacking or bad. There is a belief system that needs to be felt as negative and not numbed or disassociated from in order to move past the addiction. To chase the positive in addictions means to be able to sustain positive sensations however fleeting they may be at first. Over time, the ability to feel positive naturally will not take so much work.
From the perspective of working within the realm of the positive, the addiction does not have to be overcome first. The ability to feel non addictive pleasure that is different than the addiction’s pleasure is actually the turning point. Sustained ability to feel good in some way is necessary for everyone. Simply cultivating some sort of interest in feeling good without using the addiction broadens are sensate experience of embodiment and starts to provide other channels for life to flow.
Flatlining Positive Experiences
Within the desire to work with the positive for self transformation needs to be attuning to wanting more positive. This means more positive within one experience or sensation but also expanding the feelings of positive to include more than just one avenue. From the perspective of the triad of self, other, and divine this would include seeking the positive sensations that come from ultimately wanting to feel all three positive currents running through the body at one time.
If human nature comes into honest self awareness, there is going to be a place when positive experiences flatline and become normal or flatline as an avoidance of more positive sensation. This may be because there is cellular or somatic resistance, where the negative is still holding on to itself. This also may be because there is an inability to lose control or an idea that positive sensation leads to a loss of self identity. When the ability to feel a positive experience flatlines, it points us to…unfortunately…a need to work with the negative in our body.
Doing the work of allowing the negative to release through chasing the positive though can be a less resistant and more connected of creating personal transformation. When a positive state is already reached and embodied, the negative does not have such a strong hold. There is an ability to release the negative that is soft and surrendered instead of hard and resistant. This process requires a capacity to trust self, others, and the divine. For many, it is more difficult at first because surrender and trust towards connection and spirit are not possible. Once there is a healthy relationship between the self, others, and the divine, it is easier to seek flatlined positive embodiment and naturally welcome a release that brings more positive experience into the body.
Sometimes feeling more positive sensation in the body isn’t pretty. It can lead to a strong spontaneous emotional release. When I first started working with positive sensation in my body, I would shake and tremor in an uncontrollable way that looked to the outsider like a seizure. My husband would hold me and breathe deeply with me until the negative was released and the moment had passed. I was willing to allow the frozen in me to unthaw without controlling it. If there is not extreme emotion or physical movement, the positive cannot move into the space the negative had been holding. Expect the unexpected here. It means real shifts are occurring in the body.
Softening into Embodied Positive
There is an innocence in pleasure that is often avoided due to its vulnerability and the soft reflection is provides to our more intimate self. Being able to share the place of undefended acceptance of self in which pleasure is just there and doesn’t have to be masked, hidden, learned, fought for, cultivated, or pushed into brings us into a more ecstatic union that goes beyond sexual pleasure into the realm of divine pleasure. This can be experienced alone at first but eventually needs to be shared. The intimacy of sharing embodied positive with another person is necessary for self acceptance. The full experience of pleasure creates a triad between self, other and divine. Being witnessed as an embodied being that can channel a soft and natural positive flow creates eros, connection, and excitement. This type of embodied positive goes beyond the sexual. It is divine and beautiful and sacred.
This ultimate surrender to self here cannot be sustained in daily life. Let go of expectation. Understand that it is possible and can be sought after as a momentary experience. The methods to build us towards this experience need to embrace the blocks we have to positive pleasure that are often found in negative emotions. When we release the negative, we can eventually find it in us to embrace the positive and through both create a container for surrender that will allow a beautiful channel to flow through us and do more than heal ourselves. It will impact those we share this channel with as well.
What does tolerating more pleasure entail?
Note on The Progression Of Embodied Change: Changing in every day life happens differently depending on our awareness and capacity to embody the change we desire. Change can occur in the moment, as a set intention that starts the day, or as a self review where some time to reflect afterwards occurs. Change in the present moment is the ultimate goal but this ability needs to be cultivated and worked toward. Figure out what works for you. Situations that put us into a state of disconnected self are going to be harder to track in the moment and stay present with. In the moment change is easier when we are connected and embodied. The situation matters. Try not to expect too much.
Pick a Currency: For the purpose of increasing the ability to experience positive sensations and emotions, pick one that you feel either difficulty around, numb to, disconnected from, or have strong negative thoughts or emotions about. Remember that the currency is anything that feels good. A short list includes joy, play, sensuality, sexuality, fun, letting go, laughter, happiness, creativity, grace, alignment, smiles, connection, compassion, love. There are so many to choose from.
Build Awareness: Once you have picked the currency, start to notice the positive in your every day life. Figure out what makes you feel the positive sensation and how much of your body feels it. Notice how it is to feel positive alone, with others, and in a more expansive connected to everything way. Be honest when the positive sensation gets boring or overwhelming.
Get More Curious: Try to feel into what is preventing you from feeling more. Are there thoughts, negative emotions, or belief systems involved in your plateau or even just allowing the positive experience to flow through your body? How are you in your body and how are you NOT in your body? How are you in flow and how are you NOT in flow?
Allow Emotional Awareness: In the case of allowing positive embodiment to flow more freely, sometimes we just need to allow emotion to be present in our body first. Sometimes we need to allow some sort of freedom to come in through self exploration before we are ready to share the emotional release. Be patient. Follow your initial instincts.
Relational Emotional Release: Emotional release happens relationally. We need to let another person experience our emotion and then allow ourselves to be nourished by a positive interaction. Find someone you trust who can experience you positively without squashing, managing, or controlling you. Then allow yourself to try to feel the positive of self and other. See what happens. Let the positive flow out of you. If there is an emotional release, let yourself go. See if you can just notice the other person there with you and for you.
Chase the Feeling: Coming into the positive, feeling it, chasing it, and deeply embodying it are so important to increase our capacity to feel positive pleasure. This is not a one time exercise. Do we have sex just once and then never try again? No. Positive embodiment needs attention, intentions, self honesty, and focus to shift. Just keep trying to feel more and eventually, you will. Allow your innate aliveness to flow.
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